Pit in my stomach

I am sure everyone out there has this same feeling as I do.  The pit in their stomach that just lingers, the feeling that we are so lucky, or the feeling that it could happen to us.  I did not know about the CT incident until sitting in the car pool line yesterday afternoon.  Then somehow have become obsessed with feeling as though I should do something.

Prayer filled my mind last night as I sat in anguish watching how things unfolded. I watch several news stations that just couldn't get it right.  Either they were too dramatic or they just could not grasp the reality of what had occurred.  Then this morning they got it right--it sank in to me how awful it would be to wake up and your children just not be there.  They were not away on a trip or spending the night with a friend, but would never be coming home.

Although there are times when my children are a little too hyper or a little too much for me to handle--I embraced every minute with them last night.  We baked cookies, created a gingerbread house, and just relished in the fact that we were together.

I couldn't wait to wake them up this morning and just hang out.  I feel happy that we are together but still feel a pit in my stomach that cannot be removed.  I really just can't imagine what those sweet parents are going through this morning and all day.  Most probably haven't even seen their child since this incident and probably won't for a bit longer.  The brave teachers, counselors, custodians, and other staff that handle this all so well.

As we go into the Christmas season with so much to be thankful for, we need to focus on the fact that we all can come together and create an atmosphere of gratitude and love.  I challenged my children to "pay it forward".  Not a huge gesture but a gesture that will make someone think--I can do that for the next person.  I explained to them that when we do nice things, simples things, for people that it makes others feel special.

My thought for this post is just to be thankful and grateful for what we have. Simply spread the thankfulness to others and see how far we can take it!!

Holiday Holiday Holiday

Party of Five

Fresh baked brownies scent fills the room, Santa Paws on the TV, Christmas lights around the house, and happy well almost happy children following me everywhere I go.  The signs of the holidays are upon us.  The time when we get crazy busy and feel like we can never get anything done is here!  I promise myself that I will not get there this year.  I promise that I will enjoy every moment that I have with each and everyone that is in my life and I am in theirs.

Yes, Jesus does LOVE you!!

Is that possible?  I hope --this Christmas is different--it feels different.  I don't mind that it is different--I embrace it.  I want the craziness to come upon my family.  However, I want to focus on what the true meaning is.  Yes, we still will get presents but I want to embrace the fact that WE were giving this special gift from God. I still haven't quite figured out why God chose us, but He did.  This gift brings each and everyone that she touches to tears.  Not sure why but her smile lights up a room.  He giggles bring giggles even to the most serious person.  When you hold this gift she makes your heart pound out of your chest.  I find myself not getting anything done because I want to hold her all day long!!!

Sibling LOVE

I think one reason she was given to us is to slow things down.  If you looked at the laundry in my house you would see that the has helped me not feel like everything has to be perfect!  I find myself getting stressed when I get behind, but then I look at her at forget all about it.

Our Gift!!!

Sweetest love!

She has no idea what she has got herself into!!

So this brings me back to the Christmas season...I am going to embrace the graciousness, the love, and the feeling of the Christmas spirit.  I want to take a look at what we truly have--and what we could lose at any second--and be thankful what we are here with each other.  Drop the feelings of stress toward family members and friends, and take a second to breathe and enjoy what God has given us.

Tracy's Top Ten list of things not to say...

Short but sweet post....


List of things to say to a family, person, woman, man, parent, grandparent, or just about anyone who finds out news like our family did..

10. I am sorry

9.  God gives special parents special children

8.  "They" are such loving children

7.  Do you know how severe it is?

6.  You are handling this much better than me

5.  You were chosen for a reason

4.  I hope you can find it in your heart to love this child like you love your others

3.  Down Syndrome child--its Child with Down Syndrome please

2. Oh no she will never be able to.....

1.  She IS beautiful isn't she?

Yes these things were said to us.  I know people mean well..but think before  you speak.

The best thing to say is, "Congratulations!!  You have a beautiful baby girl!"




AND YES.....SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!

As one stage ends another begins..

I have thought about how many people are at different stages in their lives lately.  Many have children that are leaving for college.  Many have children that are entering kindergarten, middle school, or high school.  Some are getting married and yet some are getting divorced. Our stage is three fold--we have a new life in our family and yet we have easy transitions of first grade and third grade.  Not much going on in the Thornton's house--but we get to get used to our new normal.

I stayed awake last night thinking about my sweet friend who has a big transition ahead of her.  Her oldest is boarding at  his high school.  Although its not far away from home, he is still spending the night away every night.  She is typically the ROCK for all of us.  The one we go to for advice, for help, and for a glass of wine.  She is taking on this transition of course with a solid outlook--no doom no gloom.  However, her comment the other night struck me and brought tears to my eyes.  She said, "I am not upset, but I know he will never live back at home."

I have thought about this for days.  How much time do we have with our children?  It goes by so fast --in a blink of an eye one month has gone by and Chambers is already sort of smiling.  Eight years have gone by and Gram is wearing 10/12 underwear!  Six years has gone by and Eliza is locking her doors and listening to 99.5--and singing all the words!

My point of this blog is not to wish away the summer days--although an extended school start has made me wonder! However, embrace all the time that we have with our precious children.  Fill their suitcases with wonderful memories to take away with them.  Because if my calculations are correct, I only have 10 years until my first one packs up and takes his with him.  If those 10 years go by as fast as these last eight..it will be done before I know it!

Gram the dinosaur

Eliza the model

Gram at eight

Eliza at six

Happy Birthday

Chambers at one month

Coming home take one...

We walked into the NICU and were told that we were coming home the next day.  Filled with emotions we decided the kids would stay with friends and Ingram and I would sleep up in a family room at St. Vincent's.  All was good.  We cozied into the room--were told directions of our perfect baby and had an excellent night.  Temperature perfect, eating perfect, diapers perfect (well diapers diapers).

We discharge from the hospital following every direction that the nurse gives us.  When to give medicine, when to feed, how to swaddle, what signs to look for as we go home.  We have this--we are the parents of three children--we have done this before.

Eliza's first meeting

LOVE

More LOVE

Is this how I hold her?

Gram telling her he loves her

The children had not a clue that their little sister was coming home.  To see their faces was priceless.  I cannot tell you how special it was to witness immediate LOVE.  I captured a few pictures, I cried a few times, and I felt a bit nervous as they got a little to close.

But as the day goes on the temperature goes down. As you can see in these pictures her coloring looks a bit off.  Is it the bilirubin? Is it her heart? Is it her temperature?  Well we call and they tell us to come back in to the hospital.  We readmit and she spends the night.

Our hope is for her to maintain the 97.9-98.6 for 24 hours.  We have raised the temperature in our house.  We now really know how to swaddle.  For our kids, its not going to be so much fun to watch her do three things: sleep, eat, and poop. But for us, it will be reassuring to keep her bundled and keep her well.

I have said this many times--give me three months and a heart surgery and I will be more relaxed!!  Get her fixed--a true blessing from God.  Lets hope take two tomorrow goes well!!

sweetest angel

mailbox bow

My sweet neighbor decorated for us

Butterfly kisses

Old normal to new normal...

Ok I should have been keeping up with this over the last few months, but I wanted to really focus on Eliza, Gram, Ingram, and our old normal.  We were induced to have Chambers on July 12, 2012.  She came into the world at 5:47 pm after 10 or so hours of boring not too eventful labor.  Four hours after she was born the took her off to NICU for testing and then admitted her and there she stayed.  She is still there but we are on the home stretch of this little angel coming home.

I should have posted her updates here instead of Facebook, but I honestly did not think about it.  So I am going to try to create a diary of sorts to log the past few days...

7/12/2012

Welcome to the Mary Chambers Thornton!! 6 lbs 14oz 5:47 pm 19.5 inches long!!


7/13/2012


Sweet baby girl will spend the night in nicu..she is breathing fast and has to be fed by iv...please pray that this will only last one night!!


7/14/2012


Leaving this sweet baby girl today might breathe hardest thing I have done.
"I can do all things in Him who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13.


7/15/2012


Ok update as of 3 am last night: gained back 5 oz. Off of oxygen-- Eating from her tube with no residual left! Only one spike in breathing at 64 cpm--staying under 60 is great! All tests have come back normal--except ecg--please pray for Chambers' heart!


7/15/2012


Breathing soooo much better!! We are eating from a bottle--she ate 2 oz in like 10 minutes--the girl LOVES to eat!! An awesome sign that we have NO feeding problems as of now!! Bilirubin numbers at 11.8--need those down--pray pray pray!! Things are looking better--taking one day at a time!


7/16/2012


I know you are probably sick of updates but....40 cc (1.35 fl oz) bottle 8 times a day..bilirubin is down a bit but still running tests for proper liver function..breathing is better a few spikes--but nothing major..IV still in but not giving fluids!!! Hoping she can get what she needs from being bottle fed!! Waiting on gastro doctor to read her abdominal ultrasound and cardiologist to contact about partial av canal defect or asd--not sure which-- we have been told both one prenatally and one post--but either way- could be the cause of some breathing issues--all is good right now!


7/16/2012


Up to 45 or 50 cc of formula-I can't remember--wanted more--girl can really eat-bilirubin levels are continuing to lower--slowly but they are going down--one more feeding tonight and IV does get removed! Still waiting on gastro consult and tests to come back ruling out any abnormal liver function or viruses. Breathing is almost where it needs to be!!! Heart is a partial AV canal defect but if you are going to have a heart defect this is the one to have--easy fix! Waiting on cardiologist consult as well!! On the home stretch for little bit!! Thank you for all your continued prayers--they are amazing!! You all are amazing!


7/17/2012


Just left St. Vincents--was able to hold sweet MC for almost 20 minutes--ahhhh...gastro called and they are running a lot of tests today to rule out any rare findings associated with liver function and bile acid reduction--apparently they have a 0.0% chance of coming back abnormal--but they still need to run them--but starting her on medicine today to reduce this bile acid and help her a long a bit--she is probably just taking a lot longer to get rid of the yucky stuff than others. So they have to put her IV back in but for blood tests and medicine administering--not for feeding. Its just a wait and see now--the tests will NOT keep her there--so that is a good thing--oh she gained weight and is now bigger than birth weight--6 lbs 15 oz---whoo hoo!!


7/17/2012


No more lights---bilirubin is being helped along by meds--all tests that came back completely normal. As we left her she was wrapped up like a burrito!! Two days of eating normally and maintaining her own temperature and we are home free! Follow with gastro to check bilirubin numbers and follow up with cardiologist to set a plan and a goal for her AV canal defect--hopefully next week and they can ease our minds!! But things are looking great


7/18/2012


SImple update--those are the best--in a crib when we went in last night!! Such a big step. Swaddled and cozy. Getting antibiotics, probiotics, and bilirubin meds--just bilirubin meds through IV. Momma was able to feed her and then supplement--a big step--they project two days of eating normally--as much as she will eat no limits now--and keeping her temperature normal--and then we stay up one night--and hopefully she is home free! UP to 6 lbs 15.6 oz--almost 7 lbs--wow!!


So looking back at all these updates--it honestly felt like forever, but in looking back her progress has been amazing!  


Our three a day visits could not have been done without the help of so many wonderful people.  The progress could not have been acquired without so many wonderful doctors and nurses.  The prayers have been felt and I am amazed and feel truly lucky to live in the community that we live. People are just amazing souls.  I feel that every person that we know has given us so much encouragement and love that God is truly watching.  He is and must be so happy with what people CAN do and WILL do.  We are truly humbled and are forever grateful for all those who have supported us.


The road to going home is in the distance and we can see it for sure.  I cannot wait for Eliza and Gram to get to finally meet their little sister.  I can't wait for all the kind and love people to meet Vestavia's new local celebrity.  She has NO idea how much she is loved, but I already can't imagine life without this perfect angel!!

Baseball, softball, and other things I have grown to LOVE!

I never thought I would become one of those moms! However, I have come to love baseball so much this season.  We have such an awesome team of parents, children, and coaches.  It doesn't hurt that your team is #1..we have only been beat by one team.  It truly makes for an incredible season and for incredible passion for the game.  This is only eight year old baseball..but in Vestavia...there is nothing like it!

I see the passion in the players.  The tears when a batting streak goes bad.  The cheering from the dugout when we are one run behind.  The anticipation of each player as the call goes good or bad!  I see the dedication in coaches.  The encouraging words to get them motivated to hit it hard.  The intensity of each base coach as the players round the bases to score a run.  The direction toward each child to be "baseball ready".  I see the excitement in the parents.  The nail bitting as there are two outs and your child is up to bat.  The need for your child to score that winning run.  The fear that your child is not "baseball ready".

It has all brought me into LOVING the game. I don't understand much about it..and have to listen to hear the rules.  However, this season has been so much of a learning experience.  I have learned that we have a really awesome group of parents.  We are fair and support our sons and the sons of others.  We are competitive but with passion not with need.  If that makes sense. The group is awesome--and I am so glad that I have gotten to know these wonderful people.

The children are incredible as well.  These are boys that I strive for my son to be exposed to at all times.  They listen, they are respectful, and they are encouraging!  This has to be one of the best seasons of baseball that we have had.

My little catcher

Jay Faulkner hitting it hard

Jack Poole run like the wind

Slugger Joseph Brown

Coach Scott getting them focused

Shaking hands on a win!

Softball is a new experience for me.  I never thought Eliza would LOVE it as much as she did!!  Even though we only tied once--and lost the rest--she could not have cared less.  She really learned a lot with skills and following directions.  I am super proud of her growth as a team player during this amazing sport.  I only wish we could have evaluated for All Stars--our summer is going to be busy-and there is not telling when baby sister will get her--so All Stars for both will be put on hold!

She is ready

Having a good time!

A strike but she has more to go!

Hopefully about to hit!

Eliza in action!

Both of my kids chose to be #9...their dad's number when he was little.  They also claim that number to Drew Brees!!

Being cautious....

Gram gets a whole post today.  What I must do for one child I must do for the other.  He is my first born.  He is the essence of the first born child.  Cautious, careful, full of fear, afraid he will get in trouble for anything.  Our personalities are way too similar.  I see so much of me in him---probably why we butt heads all the time.

The qualities in him that I do see are amazing.  He gets it naturally, but I do want him to go beyond the fears and experience life.  He is a creative child--when he wants to be.  He is a sports driven child--when he wants to be. He is willing to try many things--when he wants to try.  I want him to go beyond my personalities and live.

I know he will come into his own--and honestly already has developing personality traits that are unlike mine.  He has so much living to do to find what fits for him.  Boys are so much different than girls--they grow differently, develop differently, feel differently, and think differently.  To have one is to see why our husbands behave like they do--and why they are always boys.

To look at old pictures of Gram is to see his personality coming through.  I enjoy watching him change everyday.  I like to see new sides of him that I didn't know existed.  I am interested to see where he will be in 10 years--when I send him off to college.  Right now he is planning on going to UAB or Samford so he can live with mommy and daddy--and I love that!  But in a few years--who knows. I can embrace the fact that he wants to be close to us now--and love the fact that he still wants to snuggle.  The fact that in his autobiography at school his prize possession was his "boppy" (the thing he sleeps with) brings comfort to my heart.

He is my first born--he will always be my comfort and my security.  Full of fear or not I just want him to love what he does and have the passion for what ever road he chooses to take.

Just a few pictures to show Gram in his element--what he LOVES to do!!

Love of baseball..he is number 9--I used this one before but it shows so much passion!!

Love of dinosaurs started early..

at the zoo

hamming it up before school

love of sister

fearful of the birds

love of the beach

again..love of sister

love of the superhero.

love of the outdoors and the beach..

love of the hula hoop

hamming it up at 4k graduation

love of fishing..

love of Pluto???

loves to dance...the worm

loves his friends